Does your blame and self-criticism help you to change your behavior? Many of us get locked into criticizing ourselves for the mistakes we make or things we don’t do that we think we “should”. But does the negative self-talk that goes on endlessly in your head actually result in teaching you a better way? For most people the answer is a resounding, “No!” In fact, the criticism most often leads to shame, which only keeps you from believing that you are even capable of change. So since it doesn’t work, why not give yourself permission to try something different?
See Yourself Like You See a Child
Try looking at your behavior the same way you would look at the behavior of your child or a really close friend. I’ll bet you wouldn’t berate and criticize your child or endlessly lecture your dear friend for a mistake innocently made. So cut yourself some slack and try offering you a word or two of encouragement to do better and praise for being willing to keep trying for improvement.
See Mistakes Through the Eyes of a Friend
When mistakes are made try to see them through the eyes of your friend. Do you imagine that your friend would call you names or demean you? Probably not, or they would not remain your friend for long. You are as worthy of forgiveness (self-forgiveness in this case) as anyone and a little self-forgiveness makes you more responsive to the need for change and increases your belief that you are able to change.
Assess Your Limiting Beliefs
Next take a look at your self-limiting beliefs. Many of these beliefs got their start in childhood. When your self-talk takes on the harsh sound of a negative parental voice or the whiny “don’t-pick-on-me” excuse making sound of a small child, you know that reflects a limiting belief. Tune in to self-talk and check out your beliefs. Some of the most common limiting beliefs include: “I’m not good enough”, “I’m not important”, or “I don’t matter”.
Offer Yourself Love and Kindness
Affirmations, the exact opposite of your limiting belief stated in the present and in a positive way, can help change those limiting beliefs quickly when regularly used. Turn away from self-criticism and toward self-acceptance. Offer gestures of loving kindness to your inner self.
A happier, healthier world starts with a happier, healthier you. Having goals for changes to bring about your own happiness and health is a good thing. Change is possible and more likely when you see yourself through the eyes of love. Make it more likely that you will succeed by turning your self-criticism into self-acceptance. Your first relationship is the one you have with yourself. Make it the most loving relationship you have and get ready for a world of change.
If you feel stuck in your limiting beliefs, call me. Change is possible.